


S.P.A.T.

by walkswithdream (eschew_reality)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, I Don't Even Know, M/M, Other, Single Parents, This Is STUPID, human!Casey, more to come - Freeform, parent!Dave, parent!John, what am i even
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-03-26
Updated: 2012-04-03
Packaged: 2017-11-02 13:57:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eschew_reality/pseuds/walkswithdream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just a bunch of one-shots wherein Dave and John have kids and meet up later and decide to raise them together. Or something... I don't even know any more...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was just a random idea I had. I don't even know... The name comes from something. I'll give you a hint. It's...

It’s hard being a single father. It’s hard, and nobody understands.

Well, except for other single fathers of course. And after months (or years) of being isolated from your normal peers, upon meeting another single father sometimes you can come across as a bit... desperate.

Even if you’re name is Dave Strider.

“Egbert? Is that you?”

The question is slightly muffled due to the fact that there are tiny hands currently smooshing your face. These hands belong to the little girl sitting on your shoulders, hugging your head to stop from falling off. Or it would be for any other kid. You know for a fact that Dana has perfect balance and is just doing this because you wouldn’t let her wear your shades. (She’s too young for them. Besides, these ones are special and she’ll get her own when she’s ready and no the pout isn’t going to work this time goddammit fine we’ll get you an ice cream cone just stop screaming.)

Egbert, or hopefully Egbert dear god let it be Egbert, turns slightly from where he’s playing with a small child, about Dana and Dean’s size. You wonder if it’s his. You wouldn’t really put it past him to play with someone else’s kid. It seems like something he would do. But no, they’re both blinking up at you with the same bright blue eyes that are oh so innocent and curious and your stomach twists a little.

He blinks at you in surprise. “Dave? Dave _Strider_?”

Your lips twitch a little at that. “The one and only. But please. No autographs tod-ow!” You fight a wince as you bit the inside of your cheek. Dana never did take kindly to being ignored. Not that you ever ignore your kids. Just maybe... don’t do everything in a timely fashion. Well. You do. But it’s your own time, not hers and she wants it done on her time and can’t you figure this out or is she always going to have to hurt you.

Still. You can only sigh and put up with it. “Dana. What have I told you about being patient.” It’s not a question. It’s never a question. Well. With Dean it’s never an issue anyway so.

“A Strider is always patient,” she recites back dutifully and damn if you can’t hear the eyeroll that goes along with it.

“Damn straight,” you reply. “Because.” She knows this of course she does you’ve drilled it into both of them long enough. (You noticed the wince John made at your swear and the way he covered his kid’s ears and of course it would figure that way meanwhile your daughter has the mouth of a sailor and the attitude to go with it.)

“Because you never know when your opponent will drop his guard,” she finishes neatly but you knew that wasn’t the end of it you could hear it in her voice. “But Daddy, you did drop your guard,” she points out ever so innocently.

She had you there. The Derpbert effectively distracted you. You sigh and concede that point to her. “Alright. You can get chocolate drizzle and rainbow sprinkles then.” Damn if this kid wasn’t the living incarnation of Evil. Or your Bro all over again in girl form oh god you hope not.

You look back at Egbert who has an amused expression on his face. No doubt thinking your little family is the next sitcom family or something.

“You wanna get some ice cream with us,” you offer, tilting your head.

He blinks again, surprised. “Oh! Um. Well,” he starts and then turns his attention to the little girl in front of him and goddamn if that isn’t the warmest most loving smile you’ve ever seen on a human being and out in public too. The only time you give the kids that look is at home. Alone. When they’re sleeping and all the lights are off.

“Casey, sweetie, do you want to get some ice cream,” he asks and his voice is probably sweeter than the sweetest concoction of iced sugar that Dana could come up with.

The little girl, Casey, gave your motley group a glance, and you can just imagine what anyone looking in would think. A twenty-three year old man with one three year old around his neck and on his head like some kind of cape and another standing calmly at his side observing everything. Two out of the three wearing stone cold pokerfaces while the third probably has some shark grin on her face. Throw in a pair of freaky red eyes and that’s enough to make anyone second guess their snack of choice.

But the little girl seems to be just like her dad - shit was Egbert her dad or uncle or something - if a little more reserved. She nodded solemnly and stood up. “Okay, Daddy,” she says easily, slipping her hand into his as they stand up.

And Egbert gives you a smile that stops you in your tracks completely. Oh wait you hadn’t even started moving again good because that would have been entirely uncool. Instead you just readjust Dana on your shoulders and reach a hand down to rest on Dean’s head. You don’t really need to hold his hand or anything he’s a good kid probably takes the most care of everyone in your house.

“Shit let’s get ice cream,” you say and John rolls his eyes and gives you a Look and that’s okay and you think maybe just maybe this could mean something.


	2. Chapter 2

Your name is John Egbert and you’re kind of freaking out a little right now. And by kind of you mean definitely and by little you mean a lot.

**= > JOHN. RELAX. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY.**

No! Everything is NOT okay, and NOTHING will be fine! You will NOT relax, thank you very much! You had to fix this RIGHT NOW.

Thankfully, you had access to some insight.

“Dana, honey,” you start, squatting down in front of the six year old. “Do you have any idea where your brother might go?” You had torn the apartment apart looking for the kid already, you were at your wit’s end. There weren’t that many places a six year old could hide without being found where could he be??

“Uh... duh,” she retorts, not even taking her eyes away from the video game in front of her. And _she_ was the one you had thought to be worried about. After all, she usually was. But you guess you’d missed Dave’s meaning of ‘keep an eye out’. Obviously it was Dean. It always was the quiet ones...

“Could you give me a hint then, sweetie?” Her attitude doesn’t deter you. Never does. After all, this is how she treats everyone. Except her aunt. She loves her aunt.

“You know, I could just tell you where he took Casey,” she says, looking at you like you’re the densest person on earth. And right now, you kind of think she has a point.

“...Casey,” you repeat dumbly. Your daughter. You hadn’t even noticed--

**= > JOHN. YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PARENT.**

Yes! Yes you are! You had been so caught up in worrying about where Dean could have gotten off to, you hadn’t even noticed that your own kid was nowhere to be found!

“ _Wow_ ,” Dana drawls, and you can’t help but notice how much she sounds like Dave’s when she does that. “You didn’t even know that she was gone either? You might be _worse_ than Dave.” Oh. Right. She’d just spent a ton of time with her grandma. Suddenly Dave’s hurry to leave for this lecture made so much more sense...

You sigh and count to three internally. “Dana. Can you tell me where they are?”

She turns her attention back to the little handheld screen in front of her, rolling her eyes. “They’re up on the roof.”

Oh. Okay. Well then...

“What??? The _roof_??” You jump up and almost fall back over.

“Yeah, like an hour ago.”

You bolt for the stairs, nearly tripping over the coffee table and falling out a window in the process. How come the roof on this apartment building was so easy to get to?? Didn’t anyone think to put up child gates?? THERE WEREN’T EVEN ANY FENCES UP THERE!!

You finally burst onto the roof, panting and clinging to the door. “CASEY!!! DEAN!!” Pushing away from the door, you stumble around the roof, looking for any sign of the kids. But you don’t see any.

Oh god. What if they fell off the roof. Oh god oh god ohgodohgod _ohgod_!!! WHAT IF--

“CASEY! DEAN!”

“Mr Egbert?” “Daddy?”

Those two young voices. One almost deadpan, almost completely bland and completely easy to ignore. And the other so sweet and light, curious and worried, musical. And you almost just collapse right then and there.

Turning around, you look up. And there they are. Standing above the door, completely fine. Save for the swords they’re both holding. Not that that’s really any shock for Dean, being a Strider and all. And though you’re sure Dave wouldn’t raise his kids to endanger anyone who isn’t a Strider you can’t help but feel a surge of panic and concern. (You’re not even going to wonder how they got up there.)

“‘Sup, Mr E?” Dean drops the tip of his sword to the ground and leans on it casually (and it totally makes you think of Dave again, that casual elegance must be genetic).

“What are you guys doing up here?”

“Dean was teaching me how to strife, Daddy,” Casey informs you happily. She’s holding the sword over her shoulder and twisting, smiling at you adorably. Your stomach is somewhere in your chest, but you tell yourself that of course the sword is safe (and it is, you can see from here that there’s no real edge on either one, and now you feel guilty for doubting Dave’s parenting skills and Dean’s precociousness).

“Is that right, Dean?” Honestly, you were feeling a little lost. No one ever said being a parent was this hard. It’s hard, and nobody understands.

“Yeah,” Dean affirms with a head tilt. Something between a shrug and a nod. You don’t know how he does it, but you’ve also never understood how Dave did that sort of thing: convey so much with just a simple gesture. And so few words.

“Why’d you come up here to do it?”

“More room,” he says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world which, now that you think about it, it kind of is. You can feel his eyes on you from behind those ridiculous shades Dave let him pick out for his sixth birthday.

“Oh,” you respond dumbly. Why is it that you always feel like an idiot when you’re around the Striders? Even the ones who aren’t Striders in name. “Well. How come you didn’t tell me where you were going?”

An easy shrug. “You were busy watching Dana. I thought I’d keep Casey company, and since I had to practice anyway I thought I’d teach her how to fight.”

It was official. You are never going to fully understand these Striders. Still. You guess it was okay that Casey was learning self defense? Hopefully she’d never need to use it, or course. But it was good to know she had the knowledge?

“Well, okay. Um. How about you guys come down now, okay? I think you’ve practiced enough for today.”

Dean shrugs again, storing his sword before sliding down to the main part of the roof. You’re kind of thankful he didn’t dismount how he usually did. With a backflip. It really made you nervous. Not that everything the twins did didn’t make you nervous. They were just so reckless!

You reach up to help Casey find her way back down to you, and find her going over to the same pole Dean had used to slide down. Struck with another rush of panic, you rush over.

“Sweetie, why don’t you just climb down the ladder or something? It’s easier,” you say, inwardly adding _‘and safer’_.

“But, Daddy,” she pouts at you. You can see the lip tremor and oh god please don’t let her make that face. You can’t handle that face.

“I’ll teach you how to do that later, okay? Gotta work up to that, Case. Can’t become an honorary Strider all in one day,” Dean tells her, looking up at her seriously.

She sighs heavily but gives up the fight. “Okay fine,” she concedes. “But you better promise, Dean!”

“Pinky promise when you climb down,” he shoots back almost as fast as Dave flashsteps. And you can read Strider expressions pretty well (or so you like to think), so you’re almost positive that that’s a smile you can see on Dean’s face.

Casey just gives him her usual bright smile and then climbs down the ladder (with you keeping your hands under and behind her the entire time). When her feet hit the ground, she bounces over to Dean and extends her hand, pinky sticking straight up. And you can’t help smiling when you see the youngest Strider male solemnly wrap his pinky around hers and shake.

You lead them both back downstairs, Casey skipping happily along with you and Dean walking along calmly behind you. It only occurs to you now that Dana has been on her own down in the living room and you pick up the pace to find...

Her in the same position you left her in. Apparently she was so absorbed in her video game, she didn’t even think to try and prank you. Sighing in relief, you step fully into the apartment... Only to find yourself covered in slime and smuppets along with a bucket.

Thankfully the kids were out of the way, you would have hated if the bucket had fallen on either of them but Dean had gotten Casey safely out of the way. You push the door open and let the two into the apartment before following them. The small grin on Dana’s face is unmissable.

“You got me,” you proclaim loudly, spreading your arms wide. “Good prank, Dana!”

You swear you hear a snicker come from her direction. Casey looks like she’s trying not to giggle, covering her mouth with both hands. Turning to Dean, you try to catch his eye. He raises his head slightly to let you know he’s paying attention.

“If I go take a shower, can I trust you to make sure the place is still intact when I get out?”

Dean raises two fingers to his forehead in a salut. “Roger that, Mr E.” You watch him as he ambles over to the couch, flopping down onto it and turning on the tv. Then you watch as Casey goes over and climbs up next to him.

Feeling like everything is in good hands (or at least the most sane ones), you shuffle off to the bathroom to take a shower. You’re pretty sure Dave won’t mind if you take a shower. Or borrow some of his clothes...

You’re still towel drying your hair when you come back into the living room, pausing slightly when you find Dave seated on the couch along with Dean and Casey, long legs sprawled out in front of him with one resting on the coffee table.

His head turns toward you slightly when you get closer. You are suddenly very aware of the fact that you’re wearing his clothes. Just knowing his eyes might be on you is making you squirm. And he’s not saying anything. Fuck. You should have made sure it was okay that you borrowed his clothes. Or just put your nasty dirty ones back on. Now he’s going to think you’re some weirdo who--

“Well aren’t you looking dashing, Princess,” Dave drawls from his place on the couch and you swear he’s giving you the once over.

“Heh,” you respond cleverly, scratching the back of your head. Seriously. “Sorry, I didn’t have any clean clothes. I hope you don’t mind. I mean, I should have asked or something. But I guess you wouldn’t have been able to answer. Still it’s kind of rude to just put on people’s clothes without permission. Oh man, I’m really sorry I swear I’ll wash them and return them to you. You can have them before Casey and I go home, I’ll just change--”

“Relax, Egbert,” he tells you, his voice amused. “I don’t care. It’s a good look for you,” he adds, his lips curling up at the corners. “We can throw your clothes in the wash and they’ll be ready in the morning.” He turns his head toward the tv again, but you swear you can feel his eyes on you and there’s that little smile on his lips still.

“But we--”

“You and Casey can spend the night. It’ll be a double sleepover combo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now was my chance to murder John's character. Oddly this might have been harder than Dave's? Yeah. I was gonna say other stuff but I kind of forgot. Probably slapdash and everything. Might revamp.


	3. Chapter 3

_What My Family Is  
by Dean Strider_  


_My family is pretty cool I guess. I’ve got my dad, or Dave, and my sister Dana. She’s my twin. Dad won’t tell us who’s older, but I’m pretty sure it’s me. I don’t really have a mom. Apparently I did but she left us when Dana and I were two and never came back. She also doesn’t write to us or anything, and Dad doesn’t talk about her. It doesn’t really bother me though since we have Mr Egbert, or John, and he’s pretty much our mom. Him and Dad aren’t really dating or anything (I don’t really think you have to be married to be a family), but you can definitely tell that they really care about each other and all of us and probably even love each other. Mr Egbert (or maybe Mombert, I guess) also has a kid. Just one but that’s okay because she’s cool. Her name is Casey and she and Dana and I are pretty much the best of friends. She’s the only person other than me or my aunt that Dana listens to at all (even though it’s not as much as me and my aunt). I guess I should start talking about the rest of my family now. Dad has a sister named Rose. She’s a famous author and travels around a lot so we don’t really get to see her but when we do it’s pretty awesome. She always brings her agent-editor-girlfriend with her, Kanaya. She’s also pretty cool. And really pretty. They also have a daughter named Thalia Vidya Maryam-Lalonde. She was adopted from India which is where Kanaya’s family is from. She’s actually a pretty awesome cousin to have. And hella smart. John also has a sister. Her name is Jade, and she’s kind of married to this guy named Karkat Vantas. I don’t know if you’d call them married since they had this pretty crazy awesome wedding out in a jungle in South America that was actually performed by this I guess you’d call him witch doctor. I never got to go but there’s a lot of pictures and it seems like it was pretty amazing and they’re probably going to have another ceremony so that everyone can be there like their kids. They have two kids, but they’re not twins. Their names are Bogart Ferdinand Harley-Vantas and Marco Grant Harley-Vantas because Jade didn’t want to change her last name and so she and Karkat could both choose names. She’s a pretty bamf lady, but also kind of scary when she wants to be. Her husband is kinda weird but actually pretty funny too even though he doesn’t mean to be. Oh yeah and then there’s my grandparents I guess. Uncle Dirk raised my dad, and Roxy raised my aunt. I guess it might be kinda weird, but that’s how they did it. It’s actually pretty ironic, but you really wouldn’t get it. Uncle Dirk is pretty awesome. He taught Dad how to sword fight when he was younger than Dana and I, and now he helps Dad teach us. He also likes to make us a lot of clothes, but Dad keeps burning them for some reason. Roxy usually visits whenever Aunt Rose visits because she rarely gets to see her anymore but she sometimes visits when Aunt Rose isn’t there. The house is always filled with booze for whenever she visits, but it’s all hidden around the place so it’s really hard to find. We have a lot of other family too, but they’re the cool family you choose and not the kind you get born into. And there’s a lot of them so I won’t bother you with the deets._

_My Family :)  
by Casey Egbert_  


_I love my family very much and think it’s the best family in the whole wide world!! My daddy is the best daddy ever, and he loves me very much just like I love him! He raised me all by himself until he met Mr Dave. (He doesn’t like to be called Mr Dave, but it feels weird just writing Dave!! But that’s what I usually call him anyway. :)) After he met (mr) Dave, we all spent a lot of time together! It was like our two families became one great big one!! Because then we all got a house together because it was easier for our daddies and they thought it’d be nice if we all got to grow up together! And it really is!! So now it’s me and Daddy and (mr) Dave and his kids Dean and Dana and it’s like a super fun sleepover all the time!! I really like my new family. :) It’s fun to live with other kids specially your bestest friends!! Sometimes it’s not fun to share your room when you’re fighting with the person you share with but Dana and I usually make up pretty fast! And Dean is always there too!! He teaches me all kinds of things that his daddy taught him like how to defend myself in a fight! He hasn’t taught me how to do a backflip or flashstep yet but he pinky promised he would so I’m sure he will sometime! A lot of times my grandpa will come over and visit and bring lots of cakes and stuff with him!!! Daddy hates the cakes but I really really like them. Don’t tell him though!! :P For my birthday my grandpa got me a funny hat like the one he wears all the time! It’s super awesome!! He also got me a fake glasses and moustache mask!! Whenever I put it on, Daddy can’t find me! Heehee, it’s super fun! :D Whenever my Aunt Jade and Uncle Karkat visit they always bring super cool gifts too!! Plus my cousins Bogey and Marco and they’re really really fun!! (mr) Dave’s sister also brings us nice gifts too when she visits. They’re all books for us to read when we’re a little older. Her wife also brings us nice scarves and stuff! Thalia is also really nice and everything too! Sometimes Daddy and (mr) Dave’s friends and their families come over too and our house gets REALLY FULL!!! But it’s okay and stuff because they’re like our family too and you never turn away your family!!! :)))) (Even though (mr) Dave sometimes try to lock out Mr Dirk it’s all just a game because of course Mr Dirk can still get in! :P)_

_P.S. Sometimes I really want my daddy to find someone who makes him really REALLY SUPER happy but then I remember!! He already HAS (mr) Dave! :DD_

==

The only sound that can be heard is the barely there tick tock of the clock on the wall. If this were the wild west, a couple of tumbleweeds would be rolling across the room as that ‘showdown’ theme started playing. Three sets of eyes stare back at each other.

Well, two sets and a pair of sunglasses. It’s always hard to tell where exactly Dave is looking.

Finally the teacher clears her throat.

“So--” She begins, but Dave cuts her off.

“Why’re there only two essays?”

She blinks and frowns. “I beg your pardon?”

“Two,” Dave repeats, holding up the pieces of paper. “There are only two essays. I don’t know if you remember, but there’s three kids we’re responsible for here. So where’s my daughter’s paper?”

His comment caused her to flush, but she quickly tried to compose herself and address the issue at hand. “Well, yes of course. Dana’s essay...” She closes her eyes and shakes her head, touching her fingers to her eyebrow for a moment. “That essay was terribly disturbing, involving comets, death, the end of the world, and something called smuppets? I’m not exactly sure what those are...”

“Consider yourself lucky,” was Dave’s only response.

“Right. Well, in any case, I destroyed that essay accidentally,” she informs them. It was true: as she was reading them at home, she ended up throwing the one by Dana Strider into the fire in a fit of panic. She also hasn’t been able to sleep properly since that night.

“Alright. Then, why exactly are we here,” Dave asks, rather blunt.

John decides it might be the best time for him to step in. “Is there something wrong, Mrs. Paint? Are we in trouble or something?” Even though the idea of getting called to the teacher’s office at your age was kind of silly...

“You know, Mr Egbert, you might just be,” is her reply, shocking John.

“Wh-what?! Why?? How??”

She shuffles her copies of the essays, looking down at them. “Honestly, Mr Egbert? I don’t even know where to begin.” Placing the papers on her desk, she folds her hands in front of her and looks back up at them. “The contents of all of your children’s essays are rather disturbing. The booze left around for whom I am presuming is your mother, Mr Strider? The _sword fighting_ between you and your children and subsequently your son and Mr Egbert’s daughter? Not to mention everything else, such as your relatives, who seem to be just as dangerous as you two are. I have every intention of calling CPS and having your kids removed from your custody and placed in protective care. I’m sure they need years of psychiatric help for all the--”

Her tirade is cut off by the sound of Dave’s chair scraping against the floor. In a move unseeable to the human eye he’s standing right in front of her desk. He slams his hands down onto the wood, causing Mrs. Paint to jump and gasp, and leans in. He stares at her over the top of his aviators and she’s paralyzed.

“Listen lady, if you honestly think you could take our kids away from us, go ahead and try,” he says in a very low and dangerous voice. “See how far you’d get. All those people my son wrote about? And the dozens more he didn’t? You’d have to go through them. And if by some miracle you made it past them? Then, then you’d have _me_ to deal with personally.” And just as suddenly as he’d leaned in, he was leaning back, straightening and standing and folding his arms behind his head as though nothing had happened. “Besides, I don’t think there’s anyone alive or dead who could handle these little hellions. But thanks for the offer. We’ll be in touch.”

And he turns on his heel and heads out the door, leaving a petrified teacher and somewhat shell-shocked John Egbert in his wake. Of course John had always known that Dave would do anything for his kids but until now he’d never had to see the evidence of that.

He throws a friendly awkward smile at the woman still staring at the place where Dave had been. “Thanks for seeing us, Mrs. Paint. Um. Sorry, and goodbye?” And with that he scrambles out after Dave who’s already halfway down the hall but is stopping and leaning his head against a wall. John jogs over to him, stopping next to him and placing an uncertain hand on his shoulder.

“Dave? You okay?” His concern is written all over his face, but he can see that Dave has his eyes screwed shut with his head facing the floor. He stands there rubbing Dave’s back as the other just breathes. Finally he stands up straight.

“I’m cool,” he assures him, his voice cool and controlled. As though they hadn’t just threatened to have their kids taken away from them. As though he hadn’t just threatened the teacher of their kids right back. “C’mon, let’s get home,” he says, knocking John lightly with his shoulder as he steps away and starts walking again. “We can stop and get ice cream or something.”

John grins and falls into step with him. “Yeah, and maybe bring some back for the kids and my dad.” Dave only hums in response and John looks back at the essays in his hand. “You know,” he starts. “It’s pretty funny how both of our kids say something about the two of us getting together or something,” he says, a small blush forming on his cheeks. He stares down at the papers, hoping Dave isn’t paying him any attention.

So he misses the small smile on Dave’s lips. “Yeah, it is isn’t it,” he agrees, dropping a hand from his pocket and casually snatching up John’s hand, threading their fingers together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I have no words? It really wasn't supposed to end this way. I don't even know. But I guess it's not horrible? I don't know! It just started out with essays from the kids describing their families! After that... it kind of took on a mind of it's own.
> 
> Anyway. Yes. More little families cropping up. Maybe more of them later~ Honestly. I'm kind of proud of myself for the ridiculous names of Kanaya and Rose and Jade and Karkat's kids. I'll have to name more couple's kids~

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah. Don't ask or whatever, this just happened. Dave has twins. I couldn't decide which one I liked better: him with a daughter or one of them with a son. So I gave Dave both. Because John OBVIOUSLY had to have Casey. It goes without saying.
> 
> Also. Please let me know what you think of this. It's my first ever time writing in Homestuck and I don't do First Person AT ALL so this is all new and I fear I murdered Dave's character abysmally and yeah I want to know if that's true.
> 
> Also also. It's Single Parents Alone Together from About A Boy.


End file.
